Here's Tony's side of the story from a blog he posted..... =)
Friday, May 23, 2008
He Only Writes Glorious Stories
5/15/08 (around 10:00AM) Katie called & told me her water broke. I left my desk a mess & booked it out my office, only telling two people on the way out.
On the freeway, heading toward San Dimas Community Hospital, I could feel tears trying to break free, but I wouldn't allow it. We had too great an event to navigate, wouldn't allow myself to celebrate yet. I was excited of course, mingled with nervousness about the unknown. "I might meet my son today". I am sure I was uttering some prayers, but now I don't remember them.
I called my mom & told her I was going to the hospital. I told her not to come yet since the labor might be long. She ignored me & showed up shortly after me.
I caught up with Katie in the maternity ward, probably within fifteen minutes of the phone call. Then it was kind of relaxed for a little while, hanging with a few family members. We figured out that Katie had been having contractions since the night before, but she didn't realize it. And then the Dr. came in to check her (upon nurse Becky's request. Becky happens to be a close friend of my mom's.) The Dr. checked her & said something like, "that's embilical cord, call Dr. Kassar, we need to do an emergency C-section".
The air changed. We were all talking with giddy smiles before that, but now the smiles were gone. Previous to that day, we & many people, were praying for a problem free, natural delivery. And then we realized there was a different plan, that our prayers could not change; and the outcome we still did not know. I tried to comfort Katie, but her heart was broken and afraid. I sensed inside that it was still part of the plan, but our request for an easy delivery was rejected by the Most High. We only had a few minutes while nurses rushed around, papers were signed, & then they wheeled her out of the room. I rarely said anything significant to Katie in those few minutes. Don't remember if I even said, "It's going to be okay". I think I told her I loved her a few times. Then they wheeled her out, and I had to wait.
The nurses brought me some scrubs, ridiculous looking things. Temporary scrubs, unlike Grey's Anatomy style (see pics). I sat in a rocking chair & made some small talk with the few that were with me. I think I talked to Taylor a bit. I tried to keep a calm heart & a steady faith. Still uttering prayers in my mind, believing that His will would be done. Though I had no idea what He would do, or if I could handle the outcome. I had heard a few times recently, "Lightening Crashes" by the band Live; a beautiful song about a new mother passing in child birth. I desperately hoped it was no sign to me, and never mentioned it to anyone. My grandma's mother died having her, and her father a few months later, from a broken heart (as it was told to me). So I know well, the significant possibilites surrounding child birth.
Then a nurse called for me to come to surgery with them. I walked in and Katie was drenched in tears now. Surrounded by doctors & nurses in blue scrubs & masks. They hardly seemed human while they pushed & poked at her. They didn't have time for bedside manner. I heard her crying at one point "I can feel that!" Found out later it was because the epidural didn't work. They let me come see her for a second. I walked up to her head as she lay on the table. Think I touched her head and said "It's okay baby, love you." But that didn't really wipe her tears away. The anesthesiologist told me they had to knock her out, cause they were in a hurry. A nurse then moved me back near the door, in an attempt to let me watch, but then the Dr. said "Sir, I need you to step out". I could see them putting a mask on her, and I could hear her whining something to them. Then I was out in the hallway again, waiting. Her mother walked up near me for moment. Then someone asked her to leave.
Then I was called back into surgery, and she was asleep on the table with a tube in her mouth. The Dr. explained, almost apologetically, why she had to be unconscious. I was given a seat by her head while they worked on her belly. There was a curtain up by her head so I couldn't really see the surgery much. I peaked once in awhile to see scrubs standing shoulder to shoulder, blood here and there. But I didn't look too much. I almost feinted from a shot once (not a gun shot, a needle in the butt), so I didn't want to feint now. Someone slipped me a camera from the outside, probably nurse Becky. I didn't really want the camera at first, but figured it was meant to be.
Then they pulled Luke out! He was carried across the room to another table. I think it was Becky that told me, "No pictures yet". And I think I realized, as they massaged his little body, chest, & back, that he wasn't breathing yet. About a minute later, I heard him cough & cry! What a relief! And I saw his first few breaths on earth. Then they let me take pictures! I walked over to him on the table and just stared at him in amazement. "Hi Luke, it's your daddy," i started to talk to him. The pediatrician said "Oh, he recognizes your voice," because he seemed to react to me. He was full of slime and blood, and I couldn't stop staring. At some point, I looked at his little body, hands and feet, wondering if he had normal development.
Found out later he was breach in the womb, so it was no question in my mind that the C-section was the right decision. Once in awhile I would look back at baby's mama, and she was still out while they worked on putting her body back together. The baby got wrapped up in swaddling cloths and we started to walk out when one of the surgeons said, "Sir, I removed four fibroids from her uterus!" Then he pointed at the table, and there was these bloody lumps of tissue. "Oh, thank you," I said, not really knowing what that meant. He seemed to be in good spirits about it. Even more, it seemed, that the C-section was a blessing.
I followed a few scrubs out in the hallway (prob Becky & pediatrician Jabazi). As we neared the waiting room of our family, someone said "Here, you want to carry him?" "No, you can.." I tried to say, but she stuffed baby Luke in my arms anyway. And I walked into a celebration of family, again trying to hold back tears, especially seeing my Father-in-Law's tears of joy. Everyone was smiling and taking pictures. And there I was, holding my son for the first time...
